This moment in time, this knowing that what was once there, now is not… the emptiness that is felt inside – is the precise reason why I begged you to choose your fights wisely. Relationships entail two different individuals with their own likes, dislikes, preferences, and tastes. When you get involved with someone and fall in love, you need to accept the person without trying to change them or judge them for who they are or what they like.
Our world is not perfect and couples do have disagreements and fights, but when it happens the fight should be about the issue or problem at hand and not be directed toward the person you’re with and be used as a tool to hurt, put down, or destroy the person. Anger and aggression should not be used to get what you want or to frighten the person into doing what you want them to do, or to stop them from doing something you don’t want them to do. Very often when we argue and fight our emotions overcome us and we often say things we know we shouldn’t say, or without thinking them through and hurt the other person. This happens to all couples and is something we should strive to do as little as possible of. There is one big note that should be made about disagreements and fights in the relationships – do not use your or your partner’s love as a fighting tool. Love should be kept sacred, untouched, above all else.
All the wrongs can be made right, all the mistakes can be fixed. The hurt can heal and be forgotten – with time. But love… once it’s gone, it’s gone. Going back for a moment of fighting with your partner. If you truly love your partner, don’t ever, under any circumstances tell them you don’t love them. If you no longer love the person you’re with, find the right time, when you’re not stressed, tired, or upset after a long day or week, sit down and have a talk about how you feel or do not feel. Furthermore, if your partner has been expressing their love to you, in their own way (I’m talking from a partner you have spent many years with and have a family or a serious commitment with) and tells you that they love you – don’t question or doubt this love. The consequences can be fatal to your love.
The voice from within:
… It’s been a week since our last fight and I’m still detached from you. It wasn’t our worst fight, nor was it last that long. For the most part, I have heard all the things you said to me before. You even appologized sooner than normal and said I should have not listened to anything you said in your emotional outrage. I agreed to let go, I’m not mad at you, and most of the things you said went in and out except for one thing. Your words “Stop lying to yourself and to me that you love me. You don’t love me” have stuck to me and have been on my mind ever since …
Me, the person who had always believed in the importance of talking about the issues and problems as they came up, and always worried about what will happen, with demands for guarantees -is now the one who’s silent. I’m not ready to talk or am simply talked out. If you didn’t hear me for almost ten years, there is nothing else I can say to make you hear me.
I don’t want to discuss my thoughts with you. And nothing that you have been trying to do since the fight has helped to fill the emptiness or made me stop thinking about those words.
…to be continued …